


guilty until prove innocent

by mumblingmaria



Category: Morning Glories
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-13
Updated: 2015-06-13
Packaged: 2018-04-04 04:51:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4126050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mumblingmaria/pseuds/mumblingmaria
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They tend to stop trying at this point. It has become easier than losing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	guilty until prove innocent

**Author's Note:**

> exulansis n. the tendency to give up trying to talk about an experience because people are unable to relate to it—whether through envy or pity or simple foreignness—which allows it to drift away from the rest of your life story, until the memory itself feels out of place, almost mythical, wandering restlessly in the fog, no longer even looking for a place to land.

_casey_

She wakes up screaming more nights then she cares to admit. She sweats more now than she ever did at that school. She's more suspicious now than ever. She's worried that this all isn't real and that she'll wake up any moment finding out that none of it ever happened and she's back the school. She wakes up every morning with the knowledge that she did do everything she remembers.

She apologizes to the man next to her. He grumbles it doesn't matter and turns to his side. Her eyes travel across his blanket covered body before she gets out of the bed. He vaguely knows her teen (and adult) years were what one could call "seriously fucked up" and has said that he'll always be there to talk to. But after days, weeks, months of drifting eyes, resting heads, and promises that things are perfect now, Casey had decided that things were better left unspoken.

Casey wanders around her apartment, her housecoat wrapped around her, until she makes it to her balcony. She steps outside despite it being far too cold for boxer shorts and bare feet. She clings tightly to her top layer as she leans on the railing. She glances back into her, their, bedroom, hoping that he has gone back to sleep. She sometimes forgets his name, despite living with him and trying love him for almost a year. He's a good man, with no reminders of her past. He's the blanket she needs to hide from the monsters. But sometimes she just can't remember his damn name.

Casey looks out wondering if she had made the right call all those years ago. She wonders if everything that she left behind was worth it. She apparently had and lost so many things, but nights like these where she wakes up screaming, all she cares about is that fact she hasn't lost her life. That she hasn't lost her mind. That she hasn't lost. That has to be worth something.

But it's hard to figure out if it was worth it, there was no one left to talk to.

 _jade_

Every night at this school feels like torch for the girl. Every morning is just another day in hell. She's been saved from near death too many times and has gone passed near death even more. Her mouth has been sealed shut since the seventh time... Or was it the eighth?

Jade sits in the library with all her friends, at least the ones that made it to the second semester. Their group is small but strong, though studying has become a weak point for all of them. It's hard to study when the next time they go to class the teacher might kill them (or worse). Their group is small but strong, except for when it comes to talking now. The most discussed is when their next meeting will be and then the meeting is just yelling. There's no talking anymore. There are no words. 

She glances at the broken faces around her and wonders if she's the only one who has given up. She doesn't care anymore. Of course she'll do her best to help Casey, there's no question about that; but the words that are being thrown violently around her skull just can't seem to make it to her mouth and at this point, Jade just doesn't care anymore. She knows how fucked up she is. 

Maybe one day she'll find someone to talk to again.

_zoe_

She isn't sure if what she sees is a memory, a premonition, or just some random thought that flutters into brains, but for the past month Zoe has been dreaming about being shot. It's not like dreaming about dying and general death themed things is anything new for Zoe, but this time it feels a little too real for the girl to ignore. Well ignore in her own head, at least. 

Out loud, Zoe is doing just fine. She's loud, she's in charge, she's a pain in Walid and Caleb asses. She gladly gives (mostly playful) orders to them and they usually follow them. They move from safe house to safe house, feeling a little less safe each time. They eat and rest when they can, they plan for what's next.

But what if what's next is death? Zoe has trouble falling asleep now. She's never been a great sleeper, granted, but that's because the smallest sound at night pisses her off she also needs complete darkness that has never been a thing). But now... Now she's afraid to sleep and Zoe has never been a person afraid of any fucking stupid things. 

Out loud, Zoe is the same strong willed, cheerleading girl. She'll shut down anyone and everyone she can. Out loud, everyone needs to watch their step because she'll turn them into stepping stones and not even blink. But out loud is just a mask to make sure they all make it to the next day. She can't say that she got tired of trying to share her thoughts because they were never there to be shared.

If death is coming to meet her, Zoe will take it on alone. No need to stress others about it.

_hunter_

It's easier to talk to dead people and people that shouldn't exist. That's not meant to be creepy, but after the first week at the school, Hunter struggles at really saying anything. He'll help how he can; he loves trying to help everyone with the paper. But that isn't about him. That's about Casey. That's about the rest of the AV club. That’s about bringing justice for people like Zoe and Hisao. He stays on the inside.

It's funny, the people he wants to help and will speak about and for are the reason Hunter is hidden under the surface. He can't burden them with more shit than they already deal with. He can't put that on them. The guilt ways down on him whenever he mentions that he had a bad night sleep, he can't imagine what it would feel like if he said more.

He knows it's selfish, but talking to the dead makes it about him. It gives him a chance to let go of the walls and chains and moats and whatever else is there keeping him inside. It gives him a chance to finally fucking breathe. He can let some of Hunter out, if only for a second, guilt free. The dead doesn't care what you've done. The dead doesn't care what you're going to do. What you aren't going to dead. The dead doesn't care.

There are times Hunter wishes he were dead.

_hisao_

Hisao has never been one for words. Well, that isn't entirely true. There was a distant time it was hard to make the boy stop talking. But then it became easier to such down to almost everyone. It was easier to keep it all inside. Why share the burden with other when they wouldn't understand? Why share it when there was no one willing to really listen to you? Why share it for any reason? Sure there were moments that he spilled up and thoughts and feelings made it to the surface but it never lasted long.

So arriving at the school had confirmed what he already knows. Silence is better. No one will understand so there's no reason to share. No one understands what he's gone through, there's no way they could. And he just didn't care to make them try. It was just a fact they have to deal with. 

Hisao is closed off; it's just how he is. He's seen enough horror it earn that badge to wear it. The stoic surface cuts enough bullshit out of his life; he can actually achieve things while at this school. He actually has a chance to save someone, to make a difference here. There was no reason to throw that away for the sake of over sharing.

And this has nothing to do with the guilt he carries. No, it's not from the fact he's in the place his brother tried to keep him from. It's not because he's so close yet so far from the only person he's learned to love. It isn't the guilt of knowing there are good people here that are going to die and he isn't really there to save any of them. There isn't guilt in him; he closed that off as well.

He tells himself that his words aren't being smothered because they shouldn't be there to begin with.

_ike_

Of course it's mostly an act. Yes, Ike is the shittiest person to walk the face of the earth, a badge he proudly wears. Yes, when you look passed the shit on the surface, passed the glimmer of good deep down inside of him, there's just more shit. Yes, Ike knows all this and loves it about himself. But it is an act.

It's an act to hide the scared and sad boy that got left on the pier at age ten, completely at a lost on how to get home. It's an act to hide that he does in fact have feeling that might possible have the chance to resemble love towards another person one day, maybe. It's an act to hide how terrified he is every day that this might be the day he finally dies. And of course it's an act to hide that a part of him hopes it is that day.

He has seen enough of the closest things he has to friends die. He has seen enough of the times he's fucked up so much that he's caused death. He has seen enough of his future to know that there's no way from him to not be himself. That even trying to hold onto the light now is basically useless.

He knows that it's an act. He acts innocent of crimes while simultaneously owning up to them. It's all a well-crafted act, to keep the demons out and the devil in. It's his opportunity to hide to guilt he has from just existing.

Of course he knows it's an act, but what isn't these days?

_glories_

They don't talk anymore. They don't even look at each other. Their breath is leaving finally and none of them can say anything. There's no goodbye. There's no "I'm sorry". There's no final confession freeing them from the prison they built themselves. There's no last chance.

They all know they're guilty.

They all know to not say anything; it's the best lesson they learned in school.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know, this got out of hand.


End file.
